In this blog post, I want to share with you my story of grief, addiction, and ultimately, healing and growth. From the tragic loss of my mother at a young age to my struggles with substance abuse, I have faced numerous challenges. Through therapy and self-awareness, I have managed to overcome these struggles and build a better life for myself.

My story begins when I was ten years old, on a seemingly ordinary school night. As I was playing Xbox in my room, my brother walked in and delivered the devastating news: our mother had passed away. It was a moment I will never forget and one that would shape the course of my life. My mother's drinking and drug use had been an issue for as long as I could remember. Her passing, while tragic, was not entirely unexpected.

In the years that followed, I grew up in a household with my brothers, father, stepmother, and stepsisters. My brothers and I were close in age, and our family environment didn't allow for much emotional expression. Instead, we often fought, releasing our sadness and grief through anger and physical aggression.

During this time, I shut down my emotions to protect myself. I buried my feelings deep inside and focused on just getting through each day. This disconnect between my head and my heart became even more pronounced when I started secondary school and was introduced to drugs and alcohol.

As a teenager, I found solace in drugs and alcohol. They helped me numb the pain and escape from reality. This pattern continued even after I left school and started my own business. The stress of running a business only fueled my substance abuse, which eventually escalated to daily use.

One day, while sitting on a park bench after another night of drinking and drug use, I called a business mentor and friend for help. He saw through my lies and manipulations and called me out, labeling me an addict. This blunt statement forced me to confront the truth: I was on a path to self-destruction, much like my mother.

Determined to change my life, I began searching for answers. I read books, attended seminars, and explored various treatment options, including rehab and support groups. While these avenues provided some insight, they didn't address the root cause of my problems.

Eventually, I discovered addiction counselling. I was hesitant at first, fearful of facing the suppressed emotions I had buried for so long. However, with the help of a therapist who had personal experience with addiction, I began to address my issues with alcohol and drugs in a meaningful way.

Through therapy, I became more aware of my behavior and started to face my emotions head-on. The process was often challenging and emotionally draining, but it allowed me to develop the courage and resilience necessary to embrace the uncertainty and anxiety that comes with self-discovery and growth.

My journey has been marked by pain and struggle, but also by healing and growth. Through therapy and self-awareness, I have learned to face my emotions and overcome my addiction. I hope my story can serve as an inspiration for others who may be facing similar challenges, demonstrating that it is possible to overcome adversity and build a better life.

In this episode, I want to share with you my story. And the story starts when I was ten and it was just a normal school night and I was playing Xbox in my room. I don't remember my brother just walking in and I paused the Xbox and turned and faced him. And I just remember us both standing there and he was just looking at me and I was like, What the fuck is going on, bro? And then he just said to me. Mom's dead. And there was this just awkward silence. And then we both let out a little nervous laugh. I don't really think I knew what to do. There was just such a mix of emotions, Some relief, some sadness. Some confusion. I just didn't really know how to handle it. And I mean, if you've ever lost someone close to you, then you know what it's like to have that moment when you first find out. And it's one that. You just never forget. And it changes your life and in my case, the course of my life forever. You know, my mum's drinking had been getting worse for years. And I mean realistically ever since I could remember. I mean, ever since I was born, really. I was born at 26 weeks, so I was very premature. And because Mum was doing drugs while she was pregnant with me and drinking, I came out and I weighed as much as a bag of sugar. I weighed £1 and my head was the size of a tennis ball. And my dad, he used to hold me in the palm of his hand and my little legs would dangle down to his wrist and my little head would poke out just above his fingers. And as I grew up, you know, Mum, her drinking continued, of course, since since I was born and she went to prison for drink driving, I think it was. And she was in and out of rehab and we kind of knew that that day was coming, that she would pass away and she wasn't getting any better and her drinking was getting worse. So on that day when I was ten years old, we all just sat in the lounge and cried for a bit. And then the next day my step mum and my dad gave me the choice of whether I wanted to go to school or have some time off. I didn't really know what to do, so I just went to school and I remember one of my friends, we have assembly in the UK in the morning of school. We sit there and hear the teacher talk and I remember one of my friends, he was just trying to cheer me up and pulling funny faces at me and he got told off by one of the teachers and you just never remember those those little things in life. But. As time went on. You know, I grew up with my brothers and my dad and I had my two step sisters and my step mum. But being around my brothers at a young age and around my dad, there wasn't much room for emotions, you know? And if I shed any tears or emotions or was perceived to be weak in any way, me and my brothers would fight. We'd fight a lot. And there was a lot of anger. And I didn't know how to deal with those emotions of sadness and grief. And it came out in anger, and me and my brothers would beat each other up. And it was just our boys will be boys. But seeing as I was always the youngest and the smaller, smallest one, my brothers, they're four and five years older than me. I would always come worse off. And I remember one time they were really winding me up and I was winding them up and provoking them and I tried to hit them with a golf club and they just caught the golf club and just ripped it off me. And then I came back with another golf club and I swung another one at them and they took it off me. And over the next ten minutes, we went through the whole bag of golf clubs and they literally took every single one off me and I couldn't hurt them with the golf club. And I couldn't feel my emotions or anger. And that just gives you a bit of context of some of those touch points that really stood out to me and that have come to light as I've been through my journey of therapy over the past six years. And then if you fast forward a bit, as I was growing up to when I was ten and Mum did pass away, you know, in that time I did feel abandoned and I just shut down all of my emotions. I didn't really know what to do as a ten year old kid and I was ripped out. In hindsight, I'd ripped out everything that connected my head to my heart just to protect myself and bury my feelings down and just learn to cope and get on with stuff and to manage going to school. And that was kind of a pivotal time. Just as I was heading off to secondary school and I got introduced to drugs and alcohol at school and the first time, you know, I got high and drank alcohol and wkd and used to get drunk with my friends. And that was just my upbringing, you know, smoking fags just before school. And then when I left school, I went on to create my own company. I wanted to be this thing called an entrepreneur. And I went to college and I did a course called Enterprise and Entrepreneurship, where you learn how to set up your own micro business. And from that point onwards, I always ran a business and the stress of that business and the pressure as I went into my early 20s was a lot to handle for a young kid, and the more pressure and the more stress there was, the more I'd drink and do drugs. It went from kind of at the weekends here or there to doing it from Thursday through to Sunday and through to Monday. And then it became every day. And fast forward a few years and my drinking and drug use was escalating. And I remember one particular day and this particular moment that has always stood out to me. It was a day when I was sitting on a park bench and I remember I could feel my jumper sticking to me as the drizzle of rain slowly soaked through each layer of my clothes, and I took the last few drags on a joint after a heavy night of drinking and doing coke. And at this point, my brain was so cloudy, I couldn't even remember how many days in a row this had been going on. I just stared into space trying to numb the brickfield pit in my stomach. You see, I called everyone I could possibly think of, people I'd already manipulated, either successfully or unsuccessfully, to lend me more money to keep going. And I had one number left. He was one of my business mentors and a good friend. I press call and the phone started ringing, but I tried to bullshit my way through the call. He could see right through it and he cut me off with a sentence that would change my life forever. Luke, you're a crackhead. It hit me like a bus. And although I never actually smoked crack, I realised in that moment I was an addict heading towards death, just like Mum in that one truthful comment. He shattered all my denial. And I had my first moment of clarity. And it was then I went searching for answers. I searched Google and I read countless books and articles trying to find out why I drank, why I used drugs, and how to stop. I listen to countless podcasts and mentors on YouTube and attended every personal development seminar I could think of. And I then looked at rehabs and the cost was well in excess of £20,000, which just wasn't possible for me at that time. I was already thousands of pounds in debt. And I also questioned how is locking me away for a month going to help me stay sober? Because when I go out of the rehab bubble, I still have to deal with all these problems in my life, in the real world. So then, as we all do. I tried a. I went to a few meetings, but I didn't understand that whole higher power thing, and I was expected to believe that I was powerless. And sitting in a group listening to everyone else's stories. I just didn't get how that was going to help me. Nothing seemed to be working. I realised all these tactics were trying to resolve the symptoms but not the cause. It was then I discovered addiction therapy. But walking into my first therapy session, I really believed I would die from bringing forth all the pain and torment that I carried. I'd suppress so many of my emotions. I didn't know what I would find, and that scared the shit out of me. You know, in previous therapies like CBT and talking therapies have not been effective for me. You know, they never seem to address my drinking habits. But this therapy was different and this therapist was different. Armed with their own experiences of addiction and work in rehabs, they were able to connect the dots and address my issues with alcohol in a way that no one else had before. You know, I started to become more aware of my behaviour and I began to take my head out of the sand. The sessions put me outside my comfort zone and sometimes it felt like I was running an emotional marathon because it was just so exhausting and draining sometimes. But over time, I developed the courage I needed to embrace the uncertainty and anxiety of this journey, of getting to know myself and discover myself and build this self-awareness. And as time went on, I took the actions I needed to get my drinking and drug use under control and start to sort my life out. But success is never in a straight line, and sometimes I would have leftfield moments that would trigger me with overwhelming emotions and I would slip. Sometimes it just felt like I'd take one step forward and two steps back. But always remember, every time I dusted myself off, I persevered session after session, week after week and never gave up until I got to where I am today. And each time I slipped, I would learn from the triggers and gain a deeper emotional awareness. Slowly a process more of the guilt and shame from my past. And gradually I emptied all of the contents of this big bag of shit I've been carrying around my whole life. And after years of going around in maddening circles, I finally felt like I knew why. I finally felt like I'd broken this never ending cycle. And as the people around me saw me stick to my words and take action, month after month, they began to slowly trust me again. And I too, began to trust myself. I started dating again and met my partner and went into a trusting relationship, being honest, which made me proud of myself and helped me rebuild my sense of self-worth and self esteem. And as my life got back on track, I took a really hard look at my friends. Some of them were just drinking friends, but others I actually had a lot in common with outside of drinking. I managed to continue socialising and be confident in social situations while not feeling like I was the odd one out. With the tools in place to manage all of the stresses of work and overwhelm. I finally had things under control. And as I made it past my first few months of recovery, I knew I'd moved from having a craving to having a choice. And thus the story of me getting my drinking under control. Over the past six years, I've been an amazing journey, continuing to grow and build this business and become a counsellor. And we're going to cover that in the upcoming episodes and go into loads of different things. If anything in my story resonated with you and you're thinking to yourself, Fuck, that sounds like me, or I want to get things under control, I want to do what Luke did, then you can reach out and talk to me. You know, and you can go to the website and book a consultation and we'll have a talk about your situation. I've helped hundreds of clients over the past six years get their drinking and drug use under control. And that's why I do this work so people don't have to have the same fate as mum and lose their life to addiction and they can break free like I have and get their life back on track. And also keep listening because the next few episodes are amazing. We're going to go into some amazing detail about some of the main topics What is addiction and why is it so difficult to stop? We're going to go over why we actually hurt people we love What even are the different treatment options. And I'm going to explain something to you called the is continuum and how to understand where your drinking and drug use is. And I'm going to tell you a bit more about the program, so keep listening to the next few episodes if you want to book him with a call, booking a call with me, you know where I am. Happy to help whenever you need. Just give me a shout and wish you luck on your journey.